Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie ....

"Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

"Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"

"Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

"Let's see ... hardtack and pemmican ... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"

You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."