McLogic
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
What was the question?
Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her :
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sex. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her :
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sex. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws -
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
* Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
* Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse f_**ker.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes!
Anyway, after giving up with all the arguing, I walked around the corner to where my car was parked, and drove off...............
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse f_**ker.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes!
Anyway, after giving up with all the arguing, I walked around the corner to where my car was parked, and drove off...............
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Thou shalt not...
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
Monday, May 18, 2009
Cough
It was cold and flu season. The Rabbi was not happy with the constant coughing disturbing his sermons so he decided to call on old Abe to help him solve the problem.
Comes the next Saturday morning, the Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of cough drops and instructions to give to a cough drop to any congregation member who was coughing.
So following his Rabbi's orders, every time a member coughed, old Abe walked over and gave them a cough drop.
The Rabbi noticed that each time he did this, the member then stood up and left the sermon. At the end of the service, half of the members were gone.
After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home and asked what he said to the members that made them leave the hall.
Old Abe says, "So vat did I say? ... All that I said wuz, 'the Rabbi said for cough!'"
It was cold and flu season. The Rabbi was not happy with the constant coughing disturbing his sermons so he decided to call on old Abe to help him solve the problem.
Comes the next Saturday morning, the Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of cough drops and instructions to give to a cough drop to any congregation member who was coughing.
So following his Rabbi's orders, every time a member coughed, old Abe walked over and gave them a cough drop.
The Rabbi noticed that each time he did this, the member then stood up and left the sermon. At the end of the service, half of the members were gone.
After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home and asked what he said to the members that made them leave the hall.
Old Abe says, "So vat did I say? ... All that I said wuz, 'the Rabbi said for cough!'"
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
One day employment
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Friday, May 1, 2009
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