'It has been said that politics is the second oldest
profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.' - Ronald Reagan
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
The second greatest suit!
You have to give him credit for taking Camo and making a sport-jacket!
The greatest suit was made for an episode of M*A*S*H when one of the doctors bought some material for a pin-stripe suit and had it privately tailored in Korea. He didn't feel he needed to explain anything to the tailor, so in the final scene he walks in to show off his suit with the pin-stripes horizontal like a well-dressed prisoner.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
What was the question?
Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her :
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sex. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her :
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sex. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws -
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
* Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
* Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse f_**ker.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes!
Anyway, after giving up with all the arguing, I walked around the corner to where my car was parked, and drove off...............
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse f_**ker.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes!
Anyway, after giving up with all the arguing, I walked around the corner to where my car was parked, and drove off...............
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